| Editors note: I had been trying for some time now to get an exclusive interview with the “big man” of the season, Santa Clause himself. Of course this turned out to be more difficult than originally planned. Of the many people who claimed to be him, all of them seemed clearly to be impostors. I was getting disappointed and a little stressed not having the feature interview/story I wanted. As I woke up that morning of the deadline for the story, I had remembered a strange dream from the night before, and I foggily remember recording an interview with Santa. Ho Ho Ho. The strangest thing happened then. I had the irresistible urge to check the tape recorder out. It was at the end, so I rewound it and this is what it had on it. |
OM: In these modern times, I think a big question on most kids
minds is what do you do when there is no chimney?
Santa: Us Santas never did use chimneys, that is one of those
cultural myths of the times.
OM: (gulp) Excuse me while I have a drink of water. Did you say
cultural myth of the times?
Santa: Oh yes.
OM: Could you explain yourself a little more than with these short
answers.
Santa: I have to be careful of what I say, but I will try to do
better. Well it’s something like this. We live just outside the
time and space of the rest of humanity and, this place where time
sort of works different allows us to do things that can’t be explained.
OM: You said we?
Santa: That is what I said. Even though you can do more as a Santa,
and you don’t seem to age, there are still limits. For one Santa
to do it all in one night of your time, is not in our power to
do. There is a network of Santas, called the JOLLY SANTA NETWORK.
We are in all the cultures that believe in us, and take care of
this awesome task of keeping jolly and getting the job done.
OM: Getting back to the chimney, sleigh, and reindeer?
Santa: Oh yes, time and culture are something we use to explain
& disguise the mystery and spirit of Christmas. The spirit
of giving, which is one of the ancestors of Christmas, has been
around since before time, and to work with people it has to use
some of what they are familiar with to build the legend. Physical
boundaries don’t matter to much to us, something like a ghost
but more fun. I mean, even for me, a Santa, the thought of going
down a chimney with a fire blazing for warmth, some how doesn’t
appeal to me very much. The chimney and reindeer are what people
some how see. Some are seeing “UFO’s” now. Some of those
are us and some are not, what can I say?
OM: Do you mean there is no reindeer, like Rudolph, Dasher and
Dancer etc.
Santa: Ho Ho Ho, I was wondering when you were going to get around
to that. There aren’t really any reindeer as one might know reindeer.
You see, the call of the names, on Dasher on Dancer on Prancer,
etc is a code that is matched up to each Santa’s voice and thought,
and it opens up the door between the two worlds to go back and
forth to do their job, when they say it. It was some child that
heard the magic phrase a long time ago during the start of the
reindeer myth. One might think that if those code phrases got
into the wrong hands then there would be disaster. No No No. You
have to be part of the Jolly Santa Network to work the magic.
Some times untrained people accidentally open the door between
the worlds, but it is only because they are super nice people.
It is by default a Jolly Santa Network. Ho Ho Ho is not only just
another magic phrase. It keeps us jolly, healthy, tuned to the
Santa Network, and then some, but even more, that one is so powerful,
it will work with anyone, not just us! Ho Ho Ho. Try it out.
OM: Can you tell us more about this Santa Network?
Santa: For one thing only people with a sense of humour and giving
can be there. You see, these things just don’t happen to people
without a sense of humour, and if by some chance it does happen
otherwise, that person better develop a sense of humour fast.
OM: What will happen?
Santa: I don’t even want to think of the poor soul. Just think
of it, not being able to truly laugh. Isn’t that punishment enough.
OM: I see what you mean. To change the subject a little. You don’t
seem to look like the regular round bellied guy I would expect
to see. You look much trimmer.
Santa: Ho Ho Ho, that is just another cultural thing. Everyone
these day’s is on a trimming fitness kick of one kind or another,
and they are so afraid of a little padding, now even I, am loosing
weight.
OM: Do you live at the North Pole, or is this another myth?
Santa: That is one of the few things that are closest to being
correct about us, but you got the wrong end of the planet. The
headquarters for the Jolly Santa Network is far under the Ice
of the South Pole. The total isolation, and something to do with
the magnetics of that spot make it ideal. When the sun shines
down there during your winter, it does many things. It powers
our operations, like the toy factories etc, and charges up huge
power cells. As well at that time of year communications via the
Jolly Santa Network are at there best, which is helpful. During
the dark time, we are powered by cosmic rays.
OM: Something like Superman’s Fortress of Ice?
Santa: Ho Ho Ho, funny you should mention that. For some reason,
information about the Jolly Santa Network filters into peoples
dreams, or adults hear something a child says, and a story is
made or a movie made that uses something about the Jolly Santa
Network in a different way. You can’t imagine what it is like
to suddenly see our headquarters in this movie. It wasn’t exact
mind you, but the resemblance was eerie. It’s how we stay in tune
with the time.
OM: What about Mrs. Clause? Is there any?
Santa: It’s a couple, usually grand parents, who have out lived
there children for one reason or another and have dedicated a
life time towards the happiness of children, are given the chance
to be Clauses. However long they stay in the Jolly Santa Network
is totally up to them. Some have been here for longer than we
(the Mrs and I) have.
OM: How long is that?
Santa: Ho Ho Ho, a long time.
OM: What happens when it is time to stop being a Santa.
Santa: It can get kind of rough for some to adjust back to normal
life, because they remember a lot of it. There are those code
phrases that open the door between the worlds, that they do forget,
so they can’t do it any more. Ex Santas can go through something
like withdrawals from the network. Not all of their memory is
kept in the transition. To help, there is a support network for
those ex-Santas that are having difficulty. They visit in the
dreams and help them there with out them knowing. They also come
and make regular visits just like in normal therapy, to discuss
the difficulties.
OM: How do you know when someone needs help?
Santa: It’s all part of the Jolly Santa Network It’s like a pulse
that goes out through the network and it is understood what needs
to be done to fix the situation.
OM: How do they adjust financially? Do they get some sort of retirement
package?
Santa: Well, something like that. Money, new identity, place to
live, all are set up and provided for through the Santa Support
Network. They have no problem with their retirement that way,
and are totally provided for. For doing the job they did, they
deserve some reward.
OM: How do you provide food for everyone at the South Pole?
Santa: We have several ways depending upon preference. Some tend
greenhouses, and some prefer to use something like that machine
Picard says “Earl Grey, hot!” to, on Star Treck Next
Generation, only much more advanced.
OM: About your headquartersand the Jolly Santa Network is it Y2K
compliant?
Santa: Ho Ho Ho, yes. We have advanced computer systems that are
not affected by the Y2K. We’ve been through this before, this
is not the first millennium change for us.
It is funny about those little leaks of information from the Jolly
Santa Network, The Apple Computer company in 1984 introduced Macintosh
computers that were compliant from the beginning, and are very
similar to what is used in our system to design and produce the
toys. Even there new slogan “Think different” comes
too close for coincidence. Someone there had a dream
OM: Can children see and hear you?
Santa: For most children, it is their natural ability to be able
to see and hear us, even visit in the network, but every time
they talk about it no one really believes them. Sometimes an adult,
that hasn’t completely covered up the child inside them, will
hear and will be inspired to write about it, or make a movie.
“The Santa Clause” and “Ernest Saves Christmas”
are two recent examples, off the top of my hat Ho Ho Ho. There
is a “passing on of the hat” so to speak, something
like in those movies, only it is a little different. There has
never been a death or injury on the job.
OM: Seriously, how long has this Network been around?
Santa: If you are going to get serious I’ll have to disappear,
Ho Ho Ho. Nobody knows that one. Even the elves don’t know.
OM: What do you mean by even the elves don’t know? What’s so special
about the elves? Don’t they work for you?
Santa: One question at a time. No they don’t work for us. They
have been around for longer than any of this. It was they, I believe,
who discovered the potential for working with the Santa Network,
and essentially made it what it is. They recruited the Santas,
work the magic, and taught us everything. We call it “Elven
Technology”. The time difference that they live in is even
harder to explain. The past history of the world could flash by
them in a wink of an eye. I think that they hold a mystery for
us that is similar to the one we hold for you.
OM: We have been discussing the truth of the matter here, you
have been showing me around, and if you bring me back to my time
thing, what is to stop me publishing this.
Santa: Remember the movie “Men in Black”, where they
had this device which made people forget everything? Well where
do you think they got that idea from?
OM: Don’t tell me you are going to use it on me and ruin my chance
for this amazing story?
Santa: I have no choice, and neither do you.
Well that was how the tape ended. You be the judge,
Ho Ho Ho!
Weihnachten
is the most cheerful and important season of the year. The main
night is Christmas Eve which takes place on December 24th. Families
get together for a rich holiday diner and to wait for Santa(“Weihnachtsmann”)
who brings the presents that night. Basically families exchange
their gifts on the night of the 24th. Two more Christmas holidays
follow, the 25th (as called in England “Boxing Day”)
and the 2nd Christmas Day, the 26th of December. The Germans call
the time from December 1st to December 24th “Adventszeit”
which means the time before Christmas Eve. Parents give their
children calenders that count down the days. Every day in December
they can open one of the doors and receive either a small candy
or a toy. These calenders just make the wait to Christmas Eve
a little easier. Very famous events are the Christmas Markets
that take place throughout Germany. These Markets are little traditional
houses lined up selling Christmas Ornaments, candy, handmade jewelry,
and so on. People from all over the world like to visit these
markets and enjoy the atmosphere of Christmas. Another tradition
is a wreath decorated with christmas ornaments and 4 candles.
People light up a candle every Sunday until Christmas Eve arrived.
This is also part of the “Adventszeit”.
| Santa is a Woman! |
I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he’s
a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized,warm, fuzzy,
nurturing, social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy
could possibly pull it all off! For starters, the vast majority
of men don’t even think about selecting gifts until Christmas
Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only
Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the
shelves. On this count alone, I’m convinced Santa is a woman.
Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake
up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under
the tree, still in the bag. Another problem for a he – Santa would
be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because
they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper
of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season
had been extended. Blitzen’s rack would already be on the way
to the taxidermist. Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer,
he’d still have transportation problems because he would inevitably
get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop
and ask for directions. Other reasons why Santa can’t possibly
be a man: -Men can’t pack a bag. – Men would rather be dead than
caught wearing red velvet. – Men would feel their masculinity
is threatened… having to be seen with all those elves. – Men
don’t answer their mail. -Men would refuse to allow their physique
to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling
a “bowlful of jelly.” -Men aren’t interested in stockings
unless somebody’s wearing them. – Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing
would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women. – Finally,
being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment. I
can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men:
Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous.
Definite guy. Cupid flies around carrying weapons. Uncle Sam is
a politician who likes to point fingers. Any one of these individuals
could pass the testosterone screening test. But not St. Nick.
Not a chance
| According to an ex fellow workmate at the Castlegar Sun, a unionized sister paper of our Gazette in the Sterling chain is on strike. Rumours of Sterlings threat to close the Castlegar Sun down has brought rumours of a Phoenix rising from the ashes that inside source has told me. There is more than just money at stake here, it’s dignity! |
Greenwood
| A review and then some by Merilyn Walker |
It was my good fortune to attend the Premiere showing of the movie,
Snow Falling on Cedars on Sunday, November 21, 1999. We have all
been waiting with great anticipation for its release.
This film adaption of David Guterson’s best selling novel follows
the storyline in the book very closely. The movie starts with
the foggy night on which the fisherman, Carl Heine, lost his life.
It quickly moves to the actual murder trial and shows many scenes
of the streets of Greenwood. These scenes included the beautiful
murals on the McArthur Centre and the Treasure Trunk. The scene
done on the post office hill was very effective as was the strawberry
festival parade. We will need to watch it several times to acknowledge
all the ‘locals’ in those scenes! I can’t even begin to name names
as I will leave many out, everyone will have to see it for themselves!
The technical ability is soon apparent as the entire movie is
filled with scenes of the big snow storm. Only those present at
the shooting can appreciate how much of that was artificial snow.
It certainly is not apparent in the movie! I kept seeing people
I know as extras on the streets. It was very exciting!
Produced by power duo Kathleen Kennedy and Fank Marshall (former
heads of the Spielberg-Universal endeavour Amblin Entertainment),
the film is a major studio picture with big hopes of hardware
at this year’s Acadamy Awards. Directed by Scott Hicks, the Austalian
director who rose to fame in the wake of the Oscar-winning film
Shine, Snow Falling on Cedars features an all-star cast that includes
American celebrity Ethan Hawke (Gattaca, A Midnight Clear, Great
Expectations) and Japanese starlet Youki Kudoh.
The Premiere was held at the Vogue Theatre on Granville in Vancouver
and followed by a Gala Reception at the Hotel Georgia. This event
was attended by the leading actress,Youki Kudoh and by Kathleen
Kennedy from the Production team. Her twin sister, Connie Kennedy
was there too and it was really nice to see her again. Colleen
and Jeff Fraser attended also. We not only got to visit with Connie,
we were able to get a few autographs from Youki Kudoh and Kathleen
Kennedy. Kathleen has sent an especially warm greeting to the
people of Greenwood and area, remembering how helpful and cheerful
the residents were. Think about it, we can’t get a better compliment
than that, especially from someone who is always looking for a
‘good location’ for that next movie! Speaking of which, the first
credit, after acknowledgement to the BC Film Commission, was a
special thank you tothe City of Greenwood!
The Premiere was a fundraiser for Nikkei Place which is currently
under construction at Kingsway & Sperling in Burnaby at the
geographic centre of Greater Vancouver. Nikkei Place will be a
home for all people. It will include a communty & cultural
centre, senior’s residence, supportive husing facility and garden.
The 1,000 seats at the Vogue Theatre were sold out and the event
raised appoximately $35,000.00. They still need about $800,000
for this worthy cause. I spoke with Randy Kamiya from the National
Nikkei Heritage Centre. They expect to move into the new building
early in the new year and be open to the public by spring. This
is a non-profit society. Donations can be sent to them at #300
-1050 Alberni Street, Vancouver, b.c. V6E 1A3.
My trip was sponsored by the Gem Theatre in Grand Forks and very
soon I will be working with Maureen and Marias Paquet on a Premiere
showing of our own. They are working hard to get a copy of the
movie on January 7, 2000 when it is released in the big centres.
Haven’t had any luck with that date yet, but don’t underestimate
Maureen’s ability, it may happen yet!
Watch for details as they unfold.
Annual Greenwood & Area
Residential Christmas Light Display Contest!
Let’ s All Get ‘Lit for 2000
Contest Runs Dec. 1st to Dec. 12th, 1999
Winners to be announced on Channel 10 & published in the following
OpenMinder issue on the 16th of December
Last year’ winners were
First prize $25 Mr. & Mrs. Paul Schembri
Second Prize $20 Mr. & Mrs. Herb Winchester
Third Prize $15 Mr. & Mrs. Cam Dutz
In Co-operation with the
Greenwood
Board of Trade
serving our community for 100 years!
This is not
the first time…
We recieved this historical note from a reader that just goes
to show that history DOES repeat itself!
Y-ZERO-K
Translated
from Latin scroll dated II-BC
Dear Cassius
Are you still working on the Y-Zero-K problem? This change from
BC to AD is giving us a lot of headaches and we haven’t much time
left. I don’t know how people will cope with working the wrong
way around. Having been working happily downwards forever, now
we have to start thinking upwards. You would think that someoone
would have thought of it earlier and not left it to us to sort
it all out at this last minute.
I spoke to Caesar the other evening. He was livid that Julius
hadn’t done something about it when he was sorting out the calendar.
He said he could see why Brutus turned nasty. We called in Consultus,
but he simply said that continuing downwards using minus BC won’t
work and as usual charged a fortune for doing nothing useful.
Surely, we will not have throw out all our hardware and start
over. Machrohard will make yet another fortune off this I suppose.
The money lenders are paranoid of course! They have been told
that all usury rates will invert and they will have to pay their
clients to take out loans. It’s an ill wind…
As for myself, I just can’t see the sand in the hourglass flowing
upward. We have heard that there are three wise men in the east,
who have been working on the problem, but unfortunately they won’t
arrive until it’s all over.
I have heard that there are plans to stable all horses at midnight
at the turn of the years as there are fears theat they will stop
and try to run backwards, causing immense damage to chariots and
possible loss of life. Some say the world will cease to exist
at the moment of transition. Anyway, we are still continuing to
work this blasted Y-ZERO-K problem. I will send a parchment to
you if anything further develops.
If you have any ideas, please let me know!
Plutonius.
Trivia
* A hummingbird’s heart beats 1,260 times per minute.
* Female mosquitoes flap their wings nearly 500 times per second.
* Unlike humans, canaries can regenerate their brain cells.
* Cockroaches can survive underwater for up to 15 minutes.
The Grand Forks & District Recreation Society is comprised
of volunteers who have formed to coordinate and integrate the
needs and wishes of groups and individuals in the community into
self a supporting recreation / multi-use community centre / on
a 21 acre site that is easily accessible to everyone. A big task,
but not an impossible one.
To be able to achieve our goal, we need to hear from you first!
What, as a resident, family, group, organization or business,
of the area, do want to see in a multi-use complex of this nature
and how might you best be able to access those services? From
family drop-in, to conference hall, to park area with bike and
walking trails, to name a few.
There are surveys being prepared and sent out to find out those
needs. Fill out that survey when it comes to you! This is your
future and your chance to do something about it. Grand Forks Community
Futures, will also take any suggestions you have and pass them
on to the Society, but everything hinges on finding out your wishes
and needs first!
While the needs surveys are being prepared and sent out the Society
is examining other communities who have done or tried to do similar
things, and they preparing for the next stages. Our first challenge
will be to match the $500,000 grant from the City of Grand Forks.
Voting memberships are $5.00, and there are jars located in several
businesses and stores with Grand Forks & District Recreation
Society – For Generations to Come. Money collected will go 100%
into making the recreation centre a reality.
There is a dedicated and enthusiastic group of volunteers that
are devoting their time to making this happen, so come to our
open meetings, get informed, and get involved. Meetings are every
second and fourth Wednesday of the month and our Annual AGM will
be 7pm, January 26, 2000 at City Hall. See you there.
Our Santa: Delivers!
All through this winter season, Connie and the staff of New West
Trading Co. are offering delivery service Free of Charge to Seniors’
within the Valley! Call before Tuesday, with a $15.00 order and
we will deliver it Free to your door on Wednesday Afternoon! No
need to brave the ice, and snow of cold this winter… We’re here
to help! Call 442-5342 with your order & we will do the rest!
P.S. We can pick up an OpenMinder or Gazette for you too! Happy
Holidays from our Delivery Santa!
Trash Talk
Wrap it up!
Christmas is a time when all sorts of surprises are wrapped in
colorful paper. Saving wrapping paper and ribbons from gifts you
receive and reusing them for next year’s gifts, is easier said
than done. In the excitement of opening a present it is not on
anyone’s mind to do it gingerly, it: There are, however, a few
things we have done to avoid the unwrapping stage altogether.
There are now different sizes of xmas bags you can purchase to
put presents in. They are sturdy enough to reuse many times. Although
there is an initial investment, you will be reducing waste and
consumerism.
To go a step further, we have also saved and permanently wrapped
boxes with recycled xmas wrapper. Just like the presents they
open on movies and TV when all they do is push aside a ribbon
and lift a lid. Same idea. If you do not have a box with a lid,
make one. Simply tape the top of the box closed and with a razor
knife, cut the top 4″ off the box. Now you have the lid,
but it doesn’t fit over the box. At each corner of the box, cut
V slits so that when the edges are pulled together and taped,
they make the box size small enough for the lid to fit. Now wrap
the box and lid separately being sure to overlap the edges, securing
with glue. Then secure by tying a ribbon or thin colored rope
in a cross pattern around the box.
These reusable boxes make excellent gift wrapping, especially
for the elderly and disabled who have difficulty wrapping, or
unwrapping gifts. By doing this simple step, you just might influence
others to do the same, and so on.
Ideas & comments can be sent to e-mail: drumit@bc.sympatico.ca
Tasty!
Two robins were sitting in a tree. “I’m really hungry,”
said the first one. “Me, too,” said the second, “let’s
fly down and find some lunch.”
They flew to the ground and found a nice plot of plowed ground
full of worms. They ate and ate and ate and ate ’til they could
eat no more. “I’m so full I don’t think I can fly back up
to the tree,” said the first one.
“Me either. Let’s just lie here and bask in the warm sun,”
said the second. So they plopped down, basking in the sun. No
sooner had they fallen asleep when a big fat tom cat snuck up
and gobbled them down.
As he sat washing his face after his meal, he thought, “I
just love baskin’ robins”.
Trivia
* The liver performs more than 500 different functions, including
storing vitamins and removing harmful chemicals from the blood.
* Sharks have no air bladders, so they must swim constantly or
they’ll sink.
International
Biodiversity Observation Year
DIVERSITAS, An International Organization for Biodiversity Science,
is pleased to announce the publication of a new website for the
DIVERSITAS-International Biodiversity Observation Year (IBOY)
2001-2002. DIVERSITAS-IBOY is an unprecedented global effort by
scientists and educators to explore the exuberant richness of
life on Earth. IBOY projects, involving hundreds of international
scientists from a wide range of disciplines, will gather and disseminate
new information about biodiversity and its contribution to the
functioning of ecosystems and human societies. These projects
will make a compelling case for concern and action about biodiversity
loss. In addition to its arts, education, policy, and media components,
DIVERSITAS-IBOY aims to provide a platform to facilitate a new
cohesion of biodiversity science. As part of this effort, we are
planning international synthesis workshops to integrate individual
research projects. Our new website (http://www.nrel.colostate.edu/IBOY)
contains detailed information on all present IBOY projects, as
well as a description of the history and aims of IBOY. Publicity
efforts are presently moving into high gear. In December we plan
to publish a full-color brochure to raise IBOY’s global profile
and increase the range of IBOY projects. We welcome your comments
on the website and your participation in DIVERSITAS-IBOY. The
DIVERSITAS-IBOY effort is coordinated by a Steering Committee
chaired by Dr Diana Wall, Colorado State University, USA, and
vice- chair, Dr. Geoff Boxshall, of the Natural History Museum,
London. Please contact Dr. Diana Wall or Dr. Gina Adams, Scientific
Program Officer of IBOY, at the IBOY Secretariat (iboy@nrel.colostate.edu)
for further information on how to become involved in the excitement
of DIVERSITAS-IBOY. Sincerely, Sheri Simmons Research Assistant,
DIVERSITAS-IBOY 2001-2002
http://www.nrel.colostate.edu/IBOY
Sheri Simmons / sheri@nrel.colostate.edu NREL Colorado State University
Fort Collins, CO 80523-1499 Tel: /1-970-491-4068 FAX: /1-970-491-3945